favorite people: fox mulder

tonight, i want to share with you one of my favorite people, fox mulder!


fox mulder is awesome. he fucks around with ghosts and aliens and killers and is always looking for the truth.


he gets to shoot a gun whenever he wants and runs around with this hot chick that loves science a lot.

DDDUUUUUHHHHHHHH

just last night, i watched an episode where mulder and scully ended up in the basement of a museum where they are attacked by hundreds of ravenous cats. they get away unharmed, but there's NO EVIDENCE OF CATS ever being there! how cool is that? being a federal agent isn't easy, you know.

favorite fox mulder quotes:

"what the hell is that!"

"shut up scully."

"case....closed."

*spills coffee on lap*
"that's great. now my pants are gonna be up all night."


HEY LOOK AT THAT

so there you have it, one of my favorite people. i hopes hes yours toos nows!

i've got nothing

ok i'll share this because i've been listening to it all day

shut up

An open letter to the Bayonne Police Department

Get off my back.

Love,
Bill

Deflowerment by Old Friend of Family

You meet an old bachelor friend of family who has known you since birth. He takes you to his apartment promising to show you old tintypes of your parents. After deflowerment, you ask to see pictures. He says, "There are no pictures, but your parents are in the next room."

You say: "Golly, I love surprises."


One of your relatives is sure to have a family album.-WPWM

October 29, 1655

....the executioner had fashioned a noose of tree bark and tar. he whispered into my ear as he pulled it tighter around my neck, "you will pay for your atrocities." i however kept quiet, as to not upset the ever-growing crowd that gathered around the gallows. 14 children died that day, several more permanently blinded. all because i was rubbing one out on my porch roof, just like i do every sunday morning. "the world is a mad place", i said to myself.

essentially, this was the second time i would die. I had succumbed to scarlet fever at the ripe age on 16, in my mother's arms. days later i awoke in a shallow grave, only to return home and frighten her to death. the irony still chaps my ass.

the ground gave way below me, and there i hung. i could feel their eyes upon me, burning my very soul. i saw my body from above. "I FUOCHI DI INFERNO LA SALUTERANNO, TOBESLERONE", the crowd cheered. the fathers pulled me down and placed me upon a timid wooden boat. the coals were lit and my body, too, began to burn.

...14 days later i awoke upon the shores of sicily. here i would begin the next chapter of my shit life.

- excerpt, Tobeslerone - shut the fuck up when i'm talking to you, the memoirs of Tobeslerone.

Blog of note

Ignore the image, its only here to fill space. The real reason behind this post is because we need to become a blog of note. Most of the blogs of note I've seen are complete shit. We need to get in there. How do we go about doing so? I mean, I post our link on Facebook every day and I have like 10,000 friends, but it still seems like no one visits. I'm blaming everyone but myself if this blog never gets super famous like it deserves to.

the carpet bombing of tobeslerone, as performed by mark, 1/9/10

pete will hate me for this. BUT IM SO BORED, MAN!

tobeslerone יחיו לעד.

לך תזדיין. אני עזים גדולים. למות באש א שלך הילדות הביתה. זה יפה כל התראה. אתה לא יהיה לשרוד את מגיע שחר.

YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

my girls millie and fran.

VIVA LA TOBESLERONE

El halcón santo de jode y el dragón de macarrones gratinados está de aquí joder su alma en el olvido.

Deflowered by Chinese Detective

You are one of twelve weekend guests at Lord Pilroy's old castle on Scottish moors when Lord Pilroy is done in by murderer. That night, Chinese detective arrives at castle and questions everyone in private.

Your alibi is that you last saw Lord Pilroy leaving through your bedroom window after he stealthily deflowered you in your sleep.

Chinese detective asks you to re-enact scene.

Then he says, "Long finger of accusation points to you as murderer. Lord Pilroy obviously did not deflower you - Because I have flower."

You Say: "You're not as smart as you think, Wong-Fu. you destroyed the evidence yourself!"


Moreover, no court in the land would accept such flimsy evidence-WPWM

NO JAKES ALLOWED

that boy bill.

this is my friend bill. bill is one of my best friends. he's one of my best friends because we hang out all the time and have a lot of fun together. sometimes, i might be feeling sad, and bill always knows how to cheer me up. here are some other things i like about bill:

- hes great at the internet.
- his beard is a shade lighter then his hair.
- he has a boating license.
- hes a great diver.
- he has a beautiful falsetto.
- he lets his dad film me and his mom. (maybe i should leave this one out.)
- he can do really good popper-wheelies.

...and the list goes on! feel free to add your own! :D

higher quality image HERE.

Deflowerment at Seance

At seance conducted by smooth-talking gypsy, you ask him to produce spirit of Rudolph Valentino. Spirit of Rudolph appears and you are deflowered.

After deflowerment, you say, "Mr. Valentino, may I have your autograph?"
He says, "To tell the truth, this whole seance is a fake."
You say: "Personally, I don't believe in them either."

Moral: Gypsies, when accepted as equals, can be relied upon to tell the truth.

Blog member Mark:

I was just eating some pizza and watching dirty jobs and it hit me. Maybe we're single because we're tapefaces? Or maybe we're tapefaces because we're single. All I know is we're tapefaces. Together.

Hey ladies

I just wanted to let the female audience know that these two tapefaces are single and ready to mingle.
Hit them up on their beepers.

July 15th, 1991

.......when i pulled her close and asked her what was wrong, she bashfully replied. "i tease my hair, not boys." i knew she was taking it easy on me. her body language told me so. she smelt like cloves and sunday morning. her posture was graceful, like a tightrope walker. her eyes. oh her eyes. she stared at me with such power. i knew it then, right there in the meat market. she was my timon. i was her pumbaa. she carefully placed her deli meats into her handcart as she walked away from the counter. she reached for my hand. i fumbled for hers. as we walked to the bus to take us home from our school trip, she paused and asked me the single most important question i think i've ever been asked.

"...what's it like, being tobeslerone? don't you get tired of this life?"

".....it's the shit life, baby. i wouldn't have it any other way."

- excerpt, Tobeslerone - shut the fuck up when i'm talking to you, the memoirs of Tobeslerone.

WHAT?!

SHUT THE FUCK UP WHEN IM TALKING TO YOU

FEELS GOOD MAN

OILED UP BOOTIES AND CORONAS