ok i'll share this because i've been listening to it all day
shut up
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Deflowerment by Old Friend of Family
You meet an old bachelor friend of family who has known you since birth. He takes you to his apartment promising to show you old tintypes of your parents. After deflowerment, you ask to see pictures. He says, "There are no pictures, but your parents are in the next room."
You say: "Golly, I love surprises."
One of your relatives is sure to have a family album.-WPWM
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
October 29, 1655
....the executioner had fashioned a noose of tree bark and tar. he whispered into my ear as he pulled it tighter around my neck, "you will pay for your atrocities." i however kept quiet, as to not upset the ever-growing crowd that gathered around the gallows. 14 children died that day, several more permanently blinded. all because i was rubbing one out on my porch roof, just like i do every sunday morning. "the world is a mad place", i said to myself.
essentially, this was the second time i would die. I had succumbed to scarlet fever at the ripe age on 16, in my mother's arms. days later i awoke in a shallow grave, only to return home and frighten her to death. the irony still chaps my ass.
the ground gave way below me, and there i hung. i could feel their eyes upon me, burning my very soul. i saw my body from above. "I FUOCHI DI INFERNO LA SALUTERANNO, TOBESLERONE", the crowd cheered. the fathers pulled me down and placed me upon a timid wooden boat. the coals were lit and my body, too, began to burn.
...14 days later i awoke upon the shores of sicily. here i would begin the next chapter of my shit life.
- excerpt, Tobeslerone - shut the fuck up when i'm talking to you, the memoirs of Tobeslerone.
essentially, this was the second time i would die. I had succumbed to scarlet fever at the ripe age on 16, in my mother's arms. days later i awoke in a shallow grave, only to return home and frighten her to death. the irony still chaps my ass.
the ground gave way below me, and there i hung. i could feel their eyes upon me, burning my very soul. i saw my body from above. "I FUOCHI DI INFERNO LA SALUTERANNO, TOBESLERONE", the crowd cheered. the fathers pulled me down and placed me upon a timid wooden boat. the coals were lit and my body, too, began to burn.
...14 days later i awoke upon the shores of sicily. here i would begin the next chapter of my shit life.
- excerpt, Tobeslerone - shut the fuck up when i'm talking to you, the memoirs of Tobeslerone.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Blog of note
Ignore the image, its only here to fill space. The real reason behind this post is because we need to become a blog of note. Most of the blogs of note I've seen are complete shit. We need to get in there. How do we go about doing so? I mean, I post our link on Facebook every day and I have like 10,000 friends, but it still seems like no one visits. I'm blaming everyone but myself if this blog never gets super famous like it deserves to.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
the carpet bombing of tobeslerone, as performed by mark, 1/9/10
pete will hate me for this. BUT IM SO BORED, MAN!
Saturday, January 9, 2010
tobeslerone יחיו לעד.
לך תזדיין. אני עזים גדולים. למות באש א שלך הילדות הביתה. זה יפה כל התראה. אתה לא יהיה לשרוד את מגיע שחר.
Friday, January 8, 2010
VIVA LA TOBESLERONE
El halcón santo de jode y el dragón de macarrones gratinados está de aquí joder su alma en el olvido.
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